STRUGGLING IN YOUR OWN AREA OF EXPERTISE?
I see a lot of people giving themselves a really hard time, and doubting themselves, because they’re struggling with the things that they help other people with.
“I’m meant to be an expert in this but I’m really struggling.”
“How can I help other people when I’m having a nightmare?”
“I’m completely out of integrity with my work because I’m having this problem that I help my clients with.”
And here’s the important thing to remember:
Often, we struggle with the very things we’re meant to be teaching – because it’s through the struggle we learn.
If I’d sorted my money blocks out and then won the lottery, how much would I really have learnt about money blocks?
Instead, I’ve experienced all sorts of stuff:
Having periods of not making any money for various reasons.
Making lots of money and still not being happy.
Money ‘stuff’ around how I’m showing up as a mum and what I’m teaching my kids about money.
Working with my inner child and how she feels about money.
Creating a program, withdrawing it, and refunding people.
Taking on clients with my eye on the money and then regretting it.
Worrying over decisions I’ve made and things I’ve spent and invested in.
Taking too much responsibility for other people’s success.
Feeling guilty for making money / not being able to do ‘everything’ / a million other things.
Confusing feelings over things like child maintenance after I started earning well.
Forgetting to have fun because I was so focused on money.
Having a lot of fun and losing my creative drive.
Listening too much to other people because I’d paid them.
The list goes on!
The only time it's stopped me helping other people to make more money is when I've let the mind monkeys taunt me into withdrawing from opportunities for spreading the word about my work.
It hasn't stopped me from being fecking brilliant at what I do in client sessions. (I'm always on top form going into a session - I choose my 'downtime' carefully.)
Here's the point I really want to make:
Every single one of those experiences has prompted me to dig deeper into my relationship with myself, with money, with success – and find what’s causing the stress.
Of course my understanding of the human relationship with money comes from researching, curiosity, and helping thousands of people. Of course it comes from a fascination with humans and how we interact with money and success.
AND – it comes from what I find down the rabbithole when I dive into my own subconscious.
Time after time I work through something and a week or two later it shows up in a client session.
And it's the same for everyone I've helped around this issue.
Now, I do think it’s important to have some personal success in the thing that you’re helping other people with.
It’s not always the case, but personally I wouldn’t want advice from someone about abundance if they were flat broke and stressing about money – and that had always been the case.
In your own business you’re going to experience peaks and troughs (no matter what facebook ads try to sell you to help you create ‘consistent income’).
Every business has some dips in income or profit. John Lewis, one of the biggest UK retailers and an old, established brand, just reported a 99% dip in profits.
No-one is immune!
It’s how we handle it that matters.
When we let it become a story of ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’ or ‘I shouldn’t be doing this’ then we enter into an imposter-themed spiral.
We start questioning our own value and knowledge, and holding back in our marketing.
Then the business gets stagnant, and the reality starts to reflect the pressure we put on ourselves – so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!
That’s not fun.
Instead, if we just ask one simple question, it turns everything around.
This works best if you ask it with curiosity and humour, because that gives you the space to be human:
“What’s really going on here?”
And then start digging.
Look at the problem from a new angle.
What are the causes for it?
What is the meaning behind it?
How does it make you feel and what is that making you think about yourself?
If it’s something you’ve worked through before and you’ve got the ‘fecks sake not this again’ – great!
What new guise is the issue taking?
What new facet of itself is it trying to show you?
What’s the next layer down it’s inviting you to clear this time?
Basically, what new way has your subconscious found to play you like a game of Monopoly?
And while you’re digging – make notes, because they will contain so much value and real life experience.
You’re not meant to have everything figured out.
Hitting blocks that relate to the stuff you help other people with is part of life - and business.
It’s your job to understand your job.
And sometimes the only way we can deepen that understanding is by moving through a new challenge.
Practising how to navigate your boat through stormy waters doesn’t mean you can't pull people out of the water.
One final thing that I see tripping people up (myself included) is the idea that we should be able to solve our own problems.
We can get trapped in the idea that having outside help means we’re not good enough.
But sometimes it’s hard to hold the space for your own pain or stress. You need someone else to keep you safe while you do it.
And how can we expect other people to trust us in supporting them, if we don’t trust someone else to support us?
Coaches need coaches, energy workers need energy workers, mentors need mentors.
World-class chefs eat in other restaurants. (I'm a bit obsessed with Masterchef at the moment.)
It doesn’t mean that the person helping you is ‘better’ than you. It doesn’t mean you’re ‘incapable’ or less than.
Having problems doesn’t make you a failure.
It makes you human.
It doesn’t mean that this isn’t your dream career, or that you’re not good at it, or that you’re not meant to be doing it.
It just means you’ve got something new to learn.
And that’s a good thing.