TRYING TO BLEND IN

Do you ever feel guilty that you want to make more money?

Maybe you play down how ambitious and driven you really are?

Perhaps you sense others might judge you for being too financially-motivated?

It’s something that comes up often with the kind-hearted women I work with.

It was certainly a big part of the story that had me under-charging and under-marketing my own work…

To the point my therapy business was unsustainable and closed down!

First things first – let’s get something straight right now:

You are brilliant.

You have the ability to achieve all of your dreams, and you are deserving of moving towards them!

We pick up all these programs and stories about ourselves, our work, and what we should be doing.

And it’s our natural instinct to try to blend in enough so that we don’t get exiled from the ‘tribe’, or cancelled. (2023’s Societal Punishment of the Year).

Heck, we don’t even want our family and friends to judge us (that ship sailed).

So with all this external pressure to do shit in a certain way, to belong, to sugar coat our sarcastic selves in a sweet little package that other people can cope with, we can end up with a lot of internal conflicts.

This is when what we know, want, or feel inside, clashes with what we’ve been told from the outside.

Stuff like:

Pursuing our passion vs expectations to get a ‘real job’.

Taking risks vs seeking security

What’s really interesting about this, is those of us who feel the need for permission are often the ones who are doing things differently.

Because if we move through life following the instruction manual we never trigger the need for permission… but I’m guessing that’s not what you’re here to do, right?!

(Feeling like we need permission can also be more easily triggered after certain life events, stress, health challenges and hormonal changes.)

It’s really helpful if we can start to notice these things and label them.

So when you start to feel yourself shrinking, or needing validation, or seeking reassurance, hit pause.

What’s the inner wish? (Passion, risk, money, ambition?)

What’s the external expectation? (Being ‘normal’, sensible, proper, careful?)

Write it down as a vs statement, like:

• Passion vs Being Proper

• Being different vs Fitting In

• Speaking up vs Staying Safe

• Ambition vs Being Selfish

Getting these conflicts out of your head and onto paper in front of you is really powerful.

It takes the power away from the mind monkeys and into your hands – literally!

It’s not a whirlwind of mixed up emotions, feelings and fears – it’s a clash between what you want and what you think you should want.

Seeing it clearly completely changes the energy of it!

This wouldn’t be a letter from me if we didn’t throw in something about money while we’re here!

Money is a little fecker for throwing up internal conflict.

We’re taught that money is taboo. Not to be discussed. Not to be shouted about – or even whispered about!

That makes it a fantastic driver for internal conflicts:

• What I want vs Being greedy

• What I want vs Being ungrateful

• What I want vs Being taboo

• What I want vs Being ashamed

If I’d let what other people think govern my life, we’d still be living in a too-small house, I wouldn’t have a business I love, I certainly wouldn’t have ever done energy work!

The amount of internal conflict I’ve shifted to move past a desperate need for permission and validation from people in my life is no joke!

But now I get to show up for the people in my life and validate their dreams and goals!

I hope that anyone who knows me knows that if they’re nurturing an idea or a secret ambition, and they need a boost of confidence and a flood of encouragement, they can come to me.

So here’s my message for you today:

That idea you’re nurturing.

That goal you’re secretly harbouring.

That dream you’re keeping quiet about.

You’re perfectly capable – and entitled to it!

To have it, to create it, to move towards it, and to achieve it!

Give yourself permission, be as encouraging to yourself as you are to everyone else, and embrace the future you’re working towards!

Love and kindness,

Michelle xx