FOUR COMMON CAUSES OF LOW SELF-WORTH
Shout-out to dictionary.com for a concise definition of self-worth that my muscle-testing agreed with:
the sense of one's own value or worth as a person.
respect for - or a favourable opinion of - oneself.
What’s important about self-worth, is the ‘self’ part.
This isn’t your worth rated by other people.
It’s how you value yourself.
It’s literally the worth you place upon yourself as a person.
Are you worthy of other peoples’ time?
Are you worthy of ‘life’s blessings’?
Are you worthy of abundance?
Are you worthy of love?
The answer to all of the above, is of course – YES!
And yet our relationship with our worth isn’t usually that straightforward, because past experiences and relationships distort our self-view.
Self-worth is important because it shapes our opinions around:
What we think we deserve.
What we believe we’re capable of.
And those two things play an enormous part in defining:
What we think is possible.
What we’re willing to try (and fail).
The actions we’re willing to take.
How we feel about ourselves, life, love, success, and money.
And you don’t have to know much about personal development and the law of attraction to know that those things pretty much determine the outcome of everything in our lives!
No doubt about it, our self-worth is important.
So what do we do if it’s not very high?
The good news is, our self-worth isn’t fixed.
Just as life has probably put a few dents in your opinion about yourself over the years, and lowered it, it’s absolutely 100% possible to raise it again.
This might look like:
Taking baby steps in your daily actions towards your goals.
Regularly summoning your courage and pushing a little bit outside your comfort zone.
Practicing self-forgiveness and remembering your ‘mistakes’ are part of the process.
(For more about that grab the Abundance Puzzle here.)
Gathering evidence for all your past and present successes.
Meditating on how wonderfully unique and lovely you are. (It’s true.)
When I work with clients (and on myself) the key to sorting out low self-worth stuff is to look for the underlying causes in the subconscious and the energy system.
By understanding what’s at the root of a problem and then sorting it out at the root, we can quickly release what’s blocking our self-worth and return it to its natural, buoyant level.
Here are the four most common causes of low self-worth:
1. Feeling ‘replaced’.
Feeling replaced by a new sibling, step-parent, friend (getting a new friend), colleague (taking over responsibilities), a partner or ex (starting a new relationship) or other service provider (a client getting a new coach) can all trigger self-worth issues. When our self-view is attached to a particular role, and that role is suddenly shared or changed, the subconscious often concludes that we’re worth less than our ‘replacement’.
2. Too much emphasis placed on external views
If a parent (or other prominent figure during childhood) is very concerned with what other people think it can create a tendency to look outward to determine the value or acceptability of something. This can affect everything, including being able to speak your opinion, how you feel about your appearance, and how much pressure you feel to be ‘perfect’.
3. Value on things instead of people
Consumer culture and the societal drive to buy more (and show it off) has created a false connection between material goods and the worth of the person that owns them. There’s a collective perspective that the more you have, the more you’re worth – that financial worth somehow defines the value of a person and their character. This becomes a loop in the subconscious – I’ll be worth something when I’ve got something.
4. Self-worth is arrogance
A reluctance to be arrogant, cocky or over-confident can create a situation where the ego is scared of finding anything to celebrate about itself. This results in being unable to acknowledge achievements, take pride in our work, or express our ability to be or do something. Being humble is a valuable trait, but taken to extremes it shifts from humility into self-sacrifice and self-sabotage.
Good stuff isn’t it?!
If you’re thinking ‘er, not really Michelle, I’ve just recognised something that’s tripping me up, now what the feck do I do?’ – don’t worry!
You can start clearing up the limiting beliefs that are messing with your self-worth levels right now.
You’ll find the Limiting Belief Release technique here.
And here are some ideas for how these causes of self-worth might show up as beliefs:
I was replaced by ______
I was replaced by ______ because I’m not good enough / not as lovable / not as talented / clever / insert your experience here.
I am always replaced
I am replaceable
I am disposable
I am no longer wanted
I was not wanted
I was not needed
I am only wanted if I’m needed
My value is determined by what I can do / give / achieve
People are watching
Nobody wants to see me / hear me / be with me
I am unpleasant to be around
I make people uncomfortable
I’m not good-looking / attractive / pretty / handsome enough
I’m not good enough
I’m not talented / clever / kind enough
I’m stupid / ugly / annoying / irritating
My voice is irritating / too loud / too shrill
I will never be perfect
I have to be perfect before I can _______
I always make mistakes
I always mess up / feck up / screw up / get it wrong
I’m too poor
I’m poor because I’m worthless
I don’t have money because I’m worthless
I need ______ to prove my worth
I won’t be worth _____ until I have _____
I will never get paid more than ______
Nobody wants to pay me / lots of money
I must always be humble
I must play my talents down to keep other people comfortable
I mustn’t make other people comfortable
More for me means less for someone else
I should be quiet
I shouldn’t be arrogant / cocky / over-confident
I mustn’t make a fuss / draw attention to myself / show-off
Plenty there to get your teeth into!
Which ones really resonate with you?
Prioritise releasing those and get them released – they’re all bollocks!
You are perfect – just as you are.
You are powerful.
And you do have the ability to succeed.